SEC Football Week 4 Review

The SEC is now atop the AP polls as LSU’s impressive road victory jumped them over Oklahoma. Somewhere in Tuscaloosa, the Red Elephants have taken note of this and now the November contest between the two takes on even larger implications. Kind of like having someone hand you another mason jar full of Daddy’s Apple Juice at a tailgate. Your day just keeps gettin’ better.

Let’s get to the week that was in the SEC:

Georgia 27 – Ole Miss 13

In a battle of coaches who might not be here this time next year, Houston Nutt might have started looking at moving companies as the Rebels were completely dominated by the Bulldogs in a 27-13 loss. The UGA defense was so suffocating that Ole Miss only had 34 rushing yards and racked up an impressive eight first downs.

Eight first downs? You get an automatic first down after a kickoff or punt, so if you only have eight, you really are not trying…

Alabama 38 – Arkansas 14

We found out who the contenders are, as well as the pretenders as Alabama proved why they are one of the big boys in all of college football by slapping around the Razorbacks.

Trent Richardson rushed for 120 yards and caught a 61-yard touchdown pass, while Marquis Maze scored on an electrifying 83-yard punt return as Bama laid to rest any talk of a third team in the SEC West mix.

Arkansas entered the game with hopes of the upset behind a powerful offense, but they never got it in gear as they rushed for 17 yards. Um, that’s 17 yards for the ENTIRE game. I think Bobby Petrino crawled for at least 17 yards when he slithered out of Atlanta a few years ago.

Auburn 30 – Florida Atlantic 14

Auburn got off to a slow start, but put away Florida Atlantic in the second half, as they got ready for South Carolina in a 16-point victory.

The Tigers led only 10-6 at the break, but 20 third quarter points broke open a tight game. The Owls seem to drive the ball at will in the first half, but all they could show for it were two Vinny Zaccario field goals. Wasn’t he the guy who dated Snooki on that Jersey Shore program? I’ll have to check that later.

I heard Jordan-Hare was pretty quiet for most of the game, and several sections of the upper deck were half empty. Boos could be heard from the student section (Um, that’s B-O-O Boo’s, not the other kind you were thinking) so the fans have been quick to turn on their team after their first loss in 17 games last week, and a lackluster performance this week.

Are Auburn fans spoiled? I would think that after 17 straight wins and a national championship, you might consider cutting these guys a little slack…

Florida 48 – Kentucky 10

I told you last week by the third quarter Joker Phillips would be hitchhiking down I-75 so he wouldn’t have to watch the rest of the blowout in Lexington last night, and sure enough, I saw him thumbing a ride by the Stuckeys close to campus. I think he got as far as the second Stuckeys on the other side of campus before buying a pecan log and returning to the stadium.

Did you see Jeff Demps on that 84 yards touchdown run? Apparently, Kentucky didn’t. Demps was so fast, he burst through the line without one Wildcat laying a paw on him. I can see that kind of run from 14 or 24 yards, but 84 yards is like from here to Bulgaria and Demps never got touched. In fact, it happened so fast, the speedster had to wait until the fourth quarter for the ref to finally get to the end zone so he could hand him the ball.

Kentucky QB Morgan Newton, who looked more like a Fig Newton for most of the game, had a stellar night as his 16 for 33 and 124-yard performance earned him the Allstate Least Valuable Player of the Game Award. Allstate will donate a check in Newton’s name if he promises to never play in a game that Allstate is covering

Mississippi State 26 – Louisiana Tech 20 OT

Maybe it was the Louisiana part of the name that spooked the Bulldogs in this one, I’m not sure. They were sluggish for most of the game and needed a late interception to stop a possible game winning FG. Chris Relf hit LaDarius Perkins for the game winner in the extra session, or otherwise, you would have had an upset of epic proportions on your hands.

I take it back. Mississippi State is not a dark horse. They are in the dark after that one.

South Carolina 21 – Vanderbilt 3

I saw some good and bad in this one. South Carolina proved they could win a tight, defensive slugfest, while Vanderbilt might not be as bad as people believe.

So much for the good. Hey, Mr. Hand? Is Stephen Garcia on Dope? He had 52 picks last night, and one of them was over to the sidelines to pick his seat after Coach Spurrier benched him. Carolina fans have not had this kind of craziness at quarterback since the Lynard Skynard roadie reject Steve Tanneyhill was prowling the Gamecocks huddle.

I know the ‘Cocks won the game, but there are more than a few in Columbia who wonder just where this team might be heading if this kind of offensive output continues. Marcus Lattimore can only pull a rabbit out of his helmet so often. If this continues, Coach Spurrier might have to pull Stephen Garcia out of the lineup and make him disappear.

LSU 47 – West Virginia 21

LSU proved why they are one of the national championship contenders by going on the road in a hostile environment and blasting West Virginia by 26.

The Tigers were so impressive, the AP pollsters moved them to #1. I am sure that was noted in the other stops around the SEC, so the Bengal Tigers now have a bulls eye on their backs.

Quarterback Jared Lee was cooler than Don Cornelius as he put to bed any doubts about his leadership. “This is Jarrett Lee, wishing you peace, love and…. ANOTHER LSU VICTORY!” What is it about LSU backup quarterbacks? Rohan Davie…Matt Mauck…Matt Flynn…and now Jarret Lee. You lose your starter and these guys come in and play like the second coming of Bert Jones. Better hope Lee never goes down, or the rest of the SEC will be in serious trouble.

By the way, cornerback Tyrann Mathieu is a man. He was money in the Oregon game, and last night he showed it was no fluke by making six tackles and forced two turnovers. The second one came when he batted a pass in the air on a corner blitz and caught the ball and ran 16 yards to set up a touchdown for a 27-7 lead at the half. For his performance, he was chosen as the Walter Camp National Player of the Week.

I felt like I was watching the game with Trent and Mikey from Swingers. “Mathieu is so frigin’ money and he doesn’t even know it.”

Parting Thoughts

Did anyone catch the effervescent commentary of Gary Danielson’s protégé, Ray Bentley, during the South Carolina-Vanderbilt game? This guy is a real charmer. When Vandy challenged an interception call, this Emmy Award winning dufus (I was only kidding about the Emmy Award winning part) ranted on and on about how this was not a challengeable call. Even when he was told it was a challengeable call, and the TV scoreboard showed it was a challenge, he refused to believe it. Then, pulling an “I told you so after the fact,” when the call was confirmed, he quipped smugly, “I said you couldn’t challenge an unchallengeable call.”

Well, they did, Ray. Did they get your name as the inspiration for the Ray character from Rain Man? “Yes, it was definitely an unchallengeable call. Defiantly unchallengeable…”

I am glad Bentley showed everyone his diploma from the Verne Lundquist School of Broadcasting when he said, “Good play by Jadevon Crowney.” Um, that’s Clowney. You would think someone who gets paid for doing this sort of thing would remember the name of one of the best players in the SEC, not to mention last year’s #1 recruit in the country.

That guy is 70% Dumb and 30% Ass.

Did you see Kirk Herbstreit’s suit last night? He was dressed in a pin stripe suit and a horizontally striped tie. He had more lines going on his body that a road map of L.A. In fact, after watching him for a few minutes, I started to get dizzy and thought I was lost in some bad Mungo Jerry video.

What did you think of Referee Penn Wager’s microphone in the LSU-WVU game? He looked like he was a backup singer from the Bobby Brown “My Prerogative” video. I expected him to explain a ruling by running to the 50 and singing, “Tell me why, I don't need commission to make my own decisions. That's my prerogative…”

And what about those West Virginia uniforms? I don’t know about you, but I think the color tubes in my TV are now blown out. Everything from the third quarter on looked like I had retuned to that bad Mungo Jerry video I mentioned earlier…

Did you guys see “The Clown” Gary Danielson has a new tour bus? Apparently he will drive to all the CBS SEC Games of the Week locations and use the vehicle to talk football after the games. The bus has a huge picture of him on the side with the words, “CBS Sports Presents: The 5th Quarter with Gary Danielson. Talk football with Gary after the game.”

I am not making this up. Hand it to Danielson to put it on the tee for me to slam it out of the park. On second thought, don’t hand it to Danielson since he would fumble it. Talk football with Gary Danielson? Ya gotta be jackin’ me! Remember, this is the guy who played too many games without his helmet for the Detroit Lions. Besides, all his answers to any question about football would have Tim Tebow’s name in it somewhere.

Could you imagine being on the bus with him and Verne on the way to this week’s game in Gainesville? Verne would be in the passenger seat next to him with the road map all folded up the wrong way, telling Danielson that he needs to get off at the Knoxville exit. Or Greenville. Or was it Starkville?

Then Danielson would look over at him and say, “Did you remember to pick up my clown suit from the cleaners after we left Tuscaloosa?”

And a final piece of information I thought you would like to know. The article said that the bus will take him home to Florida. No wonder he is such a Gator Homer…

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